I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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