It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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