feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't deserve a penis
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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