Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
