is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
