plz talk dirty to me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
