dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
