Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
