end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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