when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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