I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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