babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
