I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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