she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
