Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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