I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
