so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
