nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
