im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
