you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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