Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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