i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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