For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
