walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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