..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
