if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
