I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
