1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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