i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
