alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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