I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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