Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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