Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
