this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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