we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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