You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
this hospital has no fireball
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
