Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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