So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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