You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
