he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
