I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
