I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
