when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
