That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My hand turned me down
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
