Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
