Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
