2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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