im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
