please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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