I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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