mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
