I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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