My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
