Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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