i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
