Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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