i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
