I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
