You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
