Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
