So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think people are normalizing furries
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
