don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
