I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
