i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize