its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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