she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
