woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
