All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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