Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
