I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize