I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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