those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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