Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
