Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
