Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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